Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize