that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
