I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
