Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
