So drunk its hurt
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
