he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
