Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
