No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
