They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
