u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Randomize
