I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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