Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
