That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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