after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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