I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
pop tarts are not kleenex
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
