If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
