i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
someone owes me an orgasm
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
