You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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