i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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