drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
