My Higher Power is John Stamos
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
