that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
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