Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
