he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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