so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
