I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
