What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
