So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
