how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I supernannyed him into submission
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
