Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
