im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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