She said her name was "party"
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
