we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I think my vagina is haunted
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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