So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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