I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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