Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
