This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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