I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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