i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
