my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
