evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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