Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
