grandma shit on top of the toilet
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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