My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
