dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Randomize
