did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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