I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
