What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
