I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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