hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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