So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
