I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
