You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
