In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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