nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
