I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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