Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i wish my penis had a tongue
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
