just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
