Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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