he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
