My pussy is not your playground.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
