this beer tastes like vomit already
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize