I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
