Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
