im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
